Okay, I’m going to be cheesy for just a minute! Who has seen Drew Barymore’s movie Never Been Kissed?
It’s definitely a #ChickFlick that I don’t tire of! Maybe it’s because I can really relate to the concept!
To keep things real, I have something to tell you! I have never been kissed. Nineteen years old and my first kiss is still mine to give to the right man on one particular day in my future. I’m saving my first kiss to share with my husband (whoever he is 😉 ) on our wedding day!
Weird right? Now let me be honest, it’s a decision that I made without fully understanding. I was twelve when I decided it was something I wanted to do, seven years later I am so glad I made that choice! To many of you reading this, especially if you’re a teenager you probably think it’s really dumb to not kiss before you’re married. It’s odd for sure, and I don’t blame you if you’re rolling your eyes at me thinking I’m such a prude… Could you hear me out before you write me off?
Kissing is a really awesome thing, and so is sex for that matter. Neither topic is taboo in my life, in fact I think it’s really amazing that God created such ways for a man and woman to express their love for each other in a unique and intimate fashion. So if you were thinking I’m a prude, you can go ahead and lay that idea to rest 🙂
“That kiss!” I know we all have our daydreams about that spectacular kiss worthy of being in a romance film. We want fireworks, butterflies, a crowd cheering… we want it all! We see sweet historical kisses and we get all giddy thinking about when it will be our turn to have a kiss like that. A legendary kiss…
Nowadays it is so common to see our friends plastered all over social media smooching their significant others, it’s the norm right? It’s pretty easy to see those pix and wish we had that… or snap a selfie with our own significant other to post it so everyone will “Awww” their hearts out!
Well let me share what my I want a kiss like that! has been for so long…
These are my parents! Aren’t they cute?!
These are my parents. Aren’t they cute? 🙂
This has been my example of what a kiss should be since I was just a wee little girl. It is totally normal to be cooking dinner and turn around to see my parents giggling and smooching like crazy! I can remember several times in middle school when I had friends over they would get all embarrassed. They would come and say things like, “Kasey I was just going to get some water and I couldn’t… Your parents are kissing in the kitchen!!” I’d simply look at them all confused that it threw them off, and they’d look at me like my parents were freaks of nature. Oh the ways twelve year olds communicate…
Watching mom and dad being affectionate with each other did get icky sometimes, but it was a sweet and normal part of life in the Shultz household! Even as a kid I appreciated that scenes like the one from Princess Diaries weren’t my primary kiss influencers
I was able to witness a couple who was dedicated to one another express their love in the sweetest and purest of ways. When mom encouraged me as a kid to plan on waiting for my first kiss until I was at least engaged, she talked to me about how meaningful a kiss with commitment would be. Around the same time I think my dad was sharing how a couple we knew at church didn’t kiss until their wedding day. I thought that was an awesome idea! Watching how special it was for my parents to kiss really inspired me to make a dedicated decision to have kissing mean that much to me. A really big part of why I didn’t want to kiss until I was married is because I didn’t want to share something so special with just any ole guy that might not appreciate me, or value a kiss in the way I do. To put it in Drew Barymore’s words…
So there I decided it, I wouldn’t be kissed until I was a Mrs… Somebody 😉
Fast-forward a little and I had my first boyfriend (against my family’s rules mind you, not a good thing) and I realized how ridiculously hard it was to resist the urge to kiss! While hugging him one night I saw the perfect opportunity to just get a little taste… I wouldn’t “really” kiss him, just a little kiss on his neck while I left the hug. No harm there right? Innocent enough, right? Wrong… I opened up the door to get a taste of a treat that I only wanted to look at until I could unashamedly savor all of the sweetness. Here I had this beautiful treat sitting before me and I didn’t have the patience to keep it wholesome. I took nibble after nibble and shared it with him until it was tarnished more than enough for it to hurt. No, we never kissed on the lips… But I was nearly there. I joke that my braces were the only thing that was really holding me back at the time… Who wants to kiss metal mouth right?
Well believe me you can avoid locking lips and still pack a whole lot into a kiss on the cheek, neck, forehead, nose, hand, wrist, shoulder, gosh…did we find ways to let me keep my first kiss but still walk in sin.
Please, don’t take me wrong way… I don’t believe that a kiss in and of itself is sinful. Where I was at in life, and our intentions behind each “little” kiss is what was sinful. Our relationship was rooted in sin and we interacted as much as possible in secret. I felt pretty defiled by those kisses, and I was disappointed in myself for each nibble at my precious treat. Breaking free of that relationship gave me a whole new perspective on kissing… I learned a lot about how tempting it really is to enjoy a kiss in ways I shouldn’t, and in ways that a fifteen year old daughter of the King should not participate in.
I spent a significant amount of time before God seeking His forgiveness and reaffirming my purity and identity in Him.
Now here I am nineteen years old and in a relationship with a super sweet gentleman. When we agreed to enter into a relationship together we spent a good deal of time talking about the physical boundaries we would like to set up. On our first date I had asked Davy if he would be willing to not kiss me, he knew about my decision before our date and I wanted to be certain that he would support me in my dedication to purity in our actions together. He told me, “I would feel awful if we kissed.” hehe 🙂 It’s every girl’s dream to hear those words, right?! Well I was delighted to hear that as we talked near a beautiful waterfall 🙂 It was exciting and reassuring to know that I wouldn’t have to fight to keep my first kiss!
We agreed that the only kisses we would share as a dating couple would be atop our heads, and I told him he may kiss my hand in the way a gentleman would a lady. When I was telling one of his best friend’s about our kissing boundaries I said something like, “He can kiss me on the top of my head, because hair is a nice barrier! And he can kiss my hand.” Joe even cared enough to make sure that when I said “hand” meant the back of my hand in a respectful way, because it’s too easy to get sensual if you’re not careful. My dad posted a picture on Facebook awhile ago that pretty accurately sums up my reason for requesting that Davy keep his kisses on my head:
Let me tell you, it is incredible to have a man value purity and respect me so much that he sweetly and tenderly kisses me upon the crown of my head in complete innocence. A kiss such as this doesn’t beg for anything in return… It purely says “I love you, I respect you, and I am content,” it’s the coolest thing ever! And this is kinda silly… but because I’m shorter than him I have less opportunity to kiss his head (it’s kind tricky to go from 5’5 to 6’3 on my tippy toes!) Girls, it makes my decision to kiss Davy’s head that much more special because the opportunities are rare. I absolutely love it! Opportunities to go further than we ought to are not left and right… it’s a sweet and thought out decision each moment that we kiss each other.
I admit, not kissing until you’re married isn’t the right decision for every person, but it has been an incredible decision for me. Whether you’ve experienced your first kiss or not I encourage you to consider boundaries for yourself. You are precious and valuable, whether you’re a male or a female you are worth respect. The decision is yours if you’re going to act like a lady or a gentleman… I know dating and engaged couples who share kisses and walk in purity and self-control, I admire them for it. Consider for yourself the temptation that lies within a kiss… Consider the purpose of a kiss, consider the level of respect that can be shown within self-control. When Davy and I were discussing kissing the other day and I mentioned that it is a challenge to stay true to my commitment he reminded me how sweet it will be that my first kiss will be guilt free. Doesn’t that just sound grand?! A guilt free kiss…
Yeah, it’s tough to resist the desire to plant a kiss on a man’s lips when you love him… but boy is it precious to save that guilt free first kiss for my Mr. Future Husband 🙂 Unlike Drew Barymore I won’t be awaiting my man to arrive on a baseball field in front of hundreds of people to plant one on me… I’ll be approaching the man I’ll spend the rest of my life with, and we’ll share such a pure and beautiful kiss in front of our dearest friends and family; I am sure that will be legendary!