Ladies, do you want to share in a lesson I’ve learned?
Men are meant to experience their own emotions in a righteous way, they are not here to only understand our emotions and support us through them.
Something I’ve thought that I wanted ever since I was a preteen was a man who understood my emotions. In highschool, I thought I found that. Long story short for a year and a half I was a total drama queen about everything; got super angry about everything, complained about life to this fellow I was with, and we both got emotional about all my frustrations. So yes, he listened and understood my emotions but sadly all we did was fuel each other’s drama and encourage bad attitudes, as well as accept quick tempers. Each of these scriptures would have been valuable for me to live out, I pray you learn from my mistakes instead of being consumed by negativity yourself.
📖 Philippians 2:14-16 Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.
After that relationship ended I was still sure that I just had to have a man who understood my emotions, but I took it one further. I started to desire, and pray for a man, who understands emotions from a perspective of wisdom and truth. Watching my parents and many other admirable married couples as I grew up gave me a decent idea that a godly man really needs to be sensitive, but strong and full of God’s wisdom. I could rattle off on real life examples where this concept was inspiring and firmly planted in my heart, perhaps that will be a theme for later posts. For now, here are some of my favorite verses on why this ought to be a desired trait in a righteous teammate:
📖 Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4, 6-7 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; (this is a great chapter to read in its entirety.)
During my last couple of years in highschool as my perspective shifted because of my former relationship, so did my opportunities. Let’s be honest gals… we’re super proned to being emotional without much of a trigger. This being the case when circumstances in life give us a reason to cry we just sob buckets of tears! 😢😫😭😪
Unfortunately there was plenty of sad or unexpected reality in life at this time (heavy trials that I may write about some other time) that I fairly often was sobbing and turning to my Lord, my Daddio, brothers, or mature guy friends as a comfort. My hope was always that I would be understood, comforted, and strengthened.
One such a time when a guy friend comforted me had me a bit confused. Something tragic happened and I dealt with it very closely. One day I was sharing this huge burden in my life, and I was crying out my heartbreak over such a life changing situation…he let me cry it all out but then sorta shrugged it off. He admitted that he doesn’t really understand emotional things and had a hard time relating to the situation. I was, and still am, grateful for him being there for me; I simply wasn’t expecting a lesson out of the please just let me cry experience. Looking back I recall wondering if his lack of empathy was just a result of him choosing not to experience his own more challenging emotions.
That moment opened my eyes… From then on I began praying that the man I’d be attracted to would actually feel emotions in a healthy way and be honest about it. I prayed for the man I was looking for to be unashamed of having a soft and caring heart.
- Emotions are meant to be felt, however they are not meant to rule us. *I owe my Daddio credit for this life lesson 🙂
- Scripture tells us to keep our heart safe, while the world tells us to follow it.
Which do you choose? Alright, now look for a man who fits that desire you have. You can’t have both, choose God’s way or the world’s way.
- Emotions in a loving relationship ought to be a chance to learn and grow, not just felt. Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Romans 12:9 NKJV (in short, if your emotions aren’t good don’t cling to them. *if you’re unsure if your emotions are good, look at the things they bring in your life. Imagine emotions as a seed, 🌻has something nutritious and beautiful grown? Or is there an ugly weed you want to whack?)
Here’s the lesson that is fresh on my heart tonight: young men need a woman who is sensitive to their emotions just as much as we need a man understanding of ours. Life is full of causes to feel various emotions and no one will fully understand emotions whether they’re observing, empathizing, or experiencing. That being said, no person is exempt from emotions, what matters is how we feel and use them.
In honor of @christownley “This one is free” *Only God fully understands us and we should never pressure a fellow human being to perfectly understand us; especially when it comes to our emotions.*
I believe it is important for young men (and grown men alike!) to be comfortable with the emotions they feel, and have the skills to handle them properly. Look at Jesus for example: in John 11 Jesus has a very dear friend of his die, so He wept. http://bible.com/114/jhn.11.1-44.nkjv
Just looking at this one example from Jesus’ life on earth I know that it is a righteous and manly quality for a son of God to cry about important things. Ladies, seek first the kingdom of God before looking for a man, and be a 📖 Proverbs 31 woman. As you look, and very purely pray, for the right kind of man in your life, please know that it is good for him to experience emotions of his own. Men don’t have to be unbreakable to be worth our affection (and honestly if a man seems unbreakable he is living against the Holy Word of God, test his character against Scripture.) They do however need to have their house built on the Rock to be worth your affection (📖Matthew chapter seven.)
I have grown in my own life and continue to learn the impact of emotions as well as the importance of having a handle on them. After several negative, confusing, or simply discouraging experiences with how guys process their emotions, I have personally experienced how sweet it is when a godly young man allows his emotions to be felt and expressed within the guidelines that God lays out in Scripture. It’s worth the standard, patience, prayers, and dedication to righteousness girls 🙂 Believe me on that one.
Let the journey continue,